“my Religion”
My religion
has something to do with the memories of those low hills
and the fireplace and orchard
beyond the stone wall.
In those days, life was painted
greens and autmums, pond colored.
Shouts of feild hockey players,
napping ideas, voices cloaking
hours
in the library until the time you see your own reflection
in the darkened window.
God hung like a slient transparent sheet
outside the chapel glass
lit from inside
by invisible lamps.
Lust was soothed by prayer
in the chapel balcony.
Sometimes
you love so much in one place
you almost drown in the bittersweet
bliss of it
These days, I come out of apartments
smelling of rancid oil
and splatted hope.
I build ambivalent wings
and try to learn to fly with them
and share them with these broken, colorful people.
Now
my gods live in their rafters.
~ Matilda Cantwell
(Emp. mine)
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I really wish I had written this poem, but someone else beat me to it: A fellow poet from Becoming Fire.
It defines with clarity the bond between a clear past and a present chaos. Completeness, compassion, confusion, and Christian co-dependancy mixed with unasked questions: Almost a new Psalms 42, but not quite. But close enough.
Trying to re-examine Galatians chapter 6 and this poem sprung to mind.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ . . . But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. ~ Gal 6:2; 4-5
Almost a contradiction until you learn that there are two different words for “burden” being used, but even if they were the same, there is a clear indication that one can only “love” so much, before it is unhealthy: enabling, self-destructive, frustrating, sinful.
Drowning in the bittersweet love for another is still drowning: a slow and painful death. This not of a “greater love has no one than this” type either.
Sometimes you have to let people make their own choices, and they will have to deal with the consequneces, with or without you.
So,
May the road rise to meet your feet
May the Lord gaurd between you and me
May you live in the center of peace, and
May you find your dreams.
(from “Benediction“)
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And for the Bible nerds amoung us:
“Burdens” in vs 2 and “Burden” in vs 5.
We aim to please.