I Just Signed
That is all.
Things I Will Miss
When I leave my school. (No doubt I will add to this list over the coming months)
* Random visits from former students to say “thanks” in person, or to drop a cute, drooling baby in my lap and play with everything on my desk.
* Class room presenations which begin with a student questioning/screaming/asking how God could kill his father, then he first step dad, then his second step dad, but then ending with the realization that he now does believe God exists, even though said God is now hated.
* A student finding out I’m a Christian and saying “holy s__! You were so unbiased. I respect you even more now!”once me playing devil’s advocate in Philosophy class is over.
* A girl coming to grips with the fact that the only reason she called an embryo “a chunk of meat” and not a person, was because she would have to say her mom murdered “her little brother” when she had an abortion.
* One of mine, who knew it was my birthday, making the class get up and sing for me, like I always do for them.
* Trash talking to the Broncos, who can’t win one of three games to get into the play offs, and mentioning the Red Sox whenever someone walks by wearing Rockies gear.
* Saying “we’ll cover that more indepth next year if you take philosophy” to my juniors, knowing at least half of them will.
* Having my kids tell me that they hope I’ll stick around long enough to have their younger siblings, cousins, and maybe children one day in my class.
* Thoughtful gifts purchased by my kids when they know I miss the ocean.
* My colleuges/family
* A room of my own to store my dummies and bomb.
* The holes in the walls and ugly orange carpet.
Got To Tell Them Soon
Sitting at my desk, after school, attempting to write a quiz on Dante’s Inferno, a kid walked into my room. Not one of mine, directly, but one who has enough tangential points of connection, that she’s one of “mine” ad hoc.
She was asking if I would be a judge for the talent show. It’s like American Idol and they generally want me to be Simon and Randy at the same time: Randy’s niceness and skin tone, Simon’s attitude and accent. However I am always told to be more Randy. “Don’t make anyone cry.”
The dates of this year’s show is while I will be out of town at a wedding so I had to decline. Actually, this made me a bit sad. I was already thinking of the talent show in the back of my mind, and whether I would just judge, or be in it like I have in the past. (There’s a video of said performance somewhere on this site). I enjoy the time with my kids, and their talents, and lack thereof, and at the very least it is a chance for me to use my creative language skills to find something good to say about everyone. I was sad to think I wouldn’t be able to do it. What she said in response with be sadder.
“Oh. People will be sad. You’re breaking tradition.”
That pretty much stopped me cold. I’ve been a judge since I’ve been in the building. Every year, it’s expected that I will do it, amoung the other things I do. She’s probably right: other kids will be upset. Not only will I not judge, I won’t be there. But then things got worse.
“So which one of your classes should I take next year.”
Before I was even able to begin thinking “wow, last year was my last year to do it” she asked this. She’s an AP student and opted for the AP Eng lit class this year instead of my World Lit class, but apparently arranged her schedule so she could be in both AP and one of my Senior Seminar classes her final year. Now on the surface this makes her crazy. Kids switch out of my class for AP because my class is too hard. We do not encourage people doing both. She even admits being scared to take one my classes. Why:
Kid: “Everyone says you class is hard.”
MEH: “I make people work, and some people don’t like that. Tough luck for them.”
Kid: “No. I’m a straight A student. The people I’ve talked to say that you make them question everything they’ve ever believed and they have to figure everything about themselves and their lives all over again.”
MEH: “Oh. Well yes. That’s fun. I’m evil.”
Kid: “So which class should I sign up for?”
This whole exchange nearly broke my heart. How do I say “sign up for whatever you want: I won’t be here, and I have no idea who will teach it. Furthermore, whoever does, will not do it ANYWHERE near the way I did it, because they are not qualified (I’m the only philosophy/ethics nerd who teaches seniors in the district), or because they are afraid to tackle the topics we do right now.”
There will be more conversations like this in the near future as schedules are worked out for next year. There is a grip of kids who I have right now who want to be in my class next year. Who have friends or siblings who have taken my class and want in to finally get what others have talked about. One of my boys is the third son in the family and I’ve had both his older brothers. One of my former students brought her baby by and wanted to know if I would stick around (a mere 15 years) and have her daughter in class.
Can’t lie to them, so evade the question or at least answering for the time being. But I’m leaving. No question. I’m out. But I’ve got to figure out a way to let them know. Timing and all that. Esp. with my dept. head’s prediction that I’m going to have a bunch of really pissed off/crying students on my hands when I do. The end of this year is going to be great.
:(