Dear Boss
I am taking the time out from grading to inform you that my kids prove you’re an idiot.
The paper I am reading is from a student who barely speaks English, whose language skill are poor, but is a really hard worker. He was stuck in an Intro to Ethics class because of the fundamental brokenness of the racist system which is being created in the district. Not that you concern yourself with social equity.
In his paper he put together concepts that he understood from class with others from his church service; he was able to find connections between the story of Job and Gottfried Leibniz’s Best of all Possible Worlds ideas, specifically the Principle of Sufficient Reason, and coherently present his personal views in the limited English proficiency that he has. It’s good. Really good. Almost made me cry. You couldn’t write this paper on your best day.
This is what I do in class.
Thus, I humbly say, stay out of my class affairs: you are irrelevant and a hindrance to their educational endeavors. I would cite the multiple other examples of student work which has clashed with your sense of propriety, but I have other matters to attend to. Please find another white whale to chuck your spears at: I have work to do.
Meekness
Meekness is having the power to respond in force and choosing not to. I feel like I’ve written that here before.
There is way too much going on in my life right now. Future and current decisions to be made. None of them small. All of them important.
It is at times like these that one (read: MEH) needs to stop, take inventory of life, and calm down, because sometimes things present themselves as an outlet to release frustration and rage. But that doesn’t always mean it’s a good thing.
Righteous indignation is a beautiful thing. Having the complete and utter moral footing and height over someone else, which allows you to drop kick them in the mouth. And it would be glorious. But wrong. Probably. You think of Jesus in the temple with the whip and the table throwing and the quickly dispersing, slightly brusied robes and I’m happy. But that was specifically about that scene. I can’t say the same, competely, or honestly, for my situation.
Oh yes, I am well within my rights to say various things, it’s moving beyond those which is the problem. Staying to what is relevant and not passive-aggressive, or simply mean. I have the paper work, the back up, the signed documents to display, all saying “you are an idiot: I have proof,” in a nice way; But beyond that . . . there really is no reason to bring up someone else’s daddy issues, failed life choices, or myopic nature into the mix. That would just be mean. It would feel good, but it would be wrong. Jesus wouldn’t smile.
And there it is: meekness. Knowing the power you have and chosing not to weild it. Knowing that silence might be the best tool. Or trying to pray, again, for the situation. Or simply keeping your head down for little while longer. Running out the clock.
sigh.
Leaving Denver
Oh yeah. So for those who are unaware, I’m leaving Denver. That is official. The question is where I will land.
In truth it is a “We” not an “I.” Mandy and I are trying to figure out the next step. I am currently certified with a temp. certificate to teach in the state of Washington (where she lives), however, I have a certain prospect in Boston.
This time tomorrow I will be getting on a plane back home to begin a three day interveiw process at Easten Nazarene College, my alma mater. Weird really. And I have mixed feelings.
For many reasons I want to move to Seattle, or at least that would be a better place to continue with Mandy and continue with life compared to moving to Boston. But the same is true on the other side.
College professor = good, BUT I’d be teaching Education instead of English/Philosophy. Not sure how I feel about that. And having to go back for another degree in a field I SWORE I would never have an advanced degree in. I almost have one terminal degree to pay for, do I want another?
Boston = good, family/friends/home, BUT I don’t want to take Mandy away from family/friends/home. I’ve been there, it is not fun. But she’s already started the process of teaching here. She’s a trooper. She’s better to me than I desereve. I’m blessed beyond words.
Seattle = good, new adventure, feel comfortable, still teaching high school, or teaching college in an English Dept. But I have no job offers already lined up there.
My mom pointed out the obvious: I didn’t go looking for the ENC thing, it completely was thrust upon me, so I should persue it honestly and well. God will handle the rest. So that’s what I will do. Whether I get it or not it has openned my eyes to my skill sets and desires in ways that I haven’t thought about since I HATED life and was working as an in-school suspension dude. At least now the choices are good that has brought me to this place of self evaluation, not sucky.
So, Sat - Mon I will be meeting with professors, students, deans, and presidents of the college, the whole time waiting for God to say “do/do not” and not leaving it up to me, cause I have no idea. I’m pretty sure they will offer me a job, thus complicating my life even more.
Though I must say, having a job already lined up and confirmed will be WONDERFUL for finishing off this year. I’ll have a level of freedom to speak my mind (even more) to a certain person who needs . . . the love of the Lord communicated with a sharp tounge and a whip. I’m joking. Maybe. No. Yes. As far as you know.
Onward and upward.
Feel free to pray about all this.
Poetry And Marriage
“Because the condition of marriage is worldly and its meaning communal, no one party can be solely in charge. What you alone think it ought to be, it is not going to be. Where you alone think you want it to go, it is not going to go. It is going where the two of you–and marriage, time, life, history, and the world–will take it. you do not know the road; you have committed your life to a way. In marriage, as in poetry, the given word implies the acceptance of a form that is never entirely of one’s own making. When understood seriously enough, a form is a way of accepting and of living within the limits of creaturely life.”
~ Wendel Berry, “Poetry and Marriage,” Standing by Words
The whole thing can be found here Chapter 5.
I just wrote a paper on this, but my words are not as profound as his, but if you would like to read them clicky. <--
Job And Faith: What Shall We Do With This God?
I asked the question, out loud, via email and via Facebook, if people believed the biblical story of Job was real, meaning historical. The point being what Theology (words about God) comes from the story if you believe that Job was a real person, who lived in a real place, and had those real things happen to him.
Some had considered him to be historical, others said it was more an allegorical composite of suffering in the world, and others still had never considered the question. I was in the third camp, thus I asked the question.
I received many replies from all three camps. Many dealt with the Theodicy of the story: why there is evil in the world at all, if there is an all-powerful, all-loving God. That was not my concern.
Others commented on the lesson of Job in regards to how we should accept the suffering which will most definitely be a part of our lives; following Job’s righteous example. Again, nice, but not my concern.
I also received words about not taking a view of God solely from this passage, that the totality of scripture is needed to paint a clearer picture of God, on this side of the veil. Though probably the most wise words, they still did not completely hit the mark. For this passage does present an ulgy picture of God. Period. Others might smooth it out, but this one is wrinkled. The photo has been in the pocket of the most devout atheist, confused agnostic, and baffled theist since it was penned or passed by word of mouth.
What do we do with this God?
I believe the whollstic approach to the Bible is valid, even if somewhat unsettling, especially being one who does not like the answer “mystery” or “have faith” as a Christian catch-all, but more on that later.
In the midst of all this, I was challenged, more than once, to ignore the story. Or put more fairly, “have faith” in God and that “Faith” will iron the picture, or at the very least, turn your face to smoother sights.
I have a problem with this.
As a high school teacher, I don’t deal with people who accept “just have faith that it will all work out” as a viable answer. And they shouldn’t. Why? Because the world doesn’t work that way. Why? Because the Bible doesn’t work that way. Time and time again, the Biblical record shows people who do NOT come to peace or a good end, at least in this life. Not to mention the passages where we are admonished NOT to think that things will all be perfect and work out. Minor to major prophets. Jesus to Paul. All say do not think that “faith” means bad things won’t happen, or that the redemption of bad things will take place in your life time.
The story of Job is a perfect example of that. Things do NOT work out for good in that story. And the character of God is NOT a pleasing one. If it is an accurate picture of God, then an “unbeliever” reading it has good reason to ask why bother, as if they don’t have enough wrinkles in their life.
I was further admonished to not ask such questions out loud. This is not the first time in my life that has happened. The well intentioned thought being it will derail others from their “faith.”
This makes me wonder what said people’s “faith” was built on. As if “faith” has no relationship with “doubt.” I wonder if the writer of Hebrews feels the same way?
“Faith” does not cover the reality of what the story says about God’s character. It covers the idea of taking all of scripture as a whole, not in isolation, when talking about God’s character, but this story still shows that wrinkled picture of God. Ignoring that, not questioning it, does not make it go away. The Bible is not erased.
Jesus was a good Jew: He carried on the rabbinical tradition of asking hard questions loudly in public. By challenging the accepted system, including the parts He supported, because people were skimming over them, or ignoring the parts they didn’t like. He knew people needed to ask certain questions and find answers, especially those who actually take the time to read scripture and arrive at those questions themselves: those for whom the whole text is nice moral stories, motivational literature, or simply “foolishness.” Give them the story of Job.
Tell them to have “faith.”
Tell this to the 17 year old girl who recently got engaged because she “loves the idea of being married,” because it will be the only stability and safety she’s had in her life for a long time, because every parents, step parent, and grandparent have divorced.
The girl who has never seen a stable father figure in her life, spending most of her life trying to avoid men, other than the string of broken relationships, including the one she cheats on now.
The girl who has bounced from religion to religion, tried being an atheist, but gave it up because she “really wants to belong in a church,” for the sense of purpose and community.
The girl who wants to believe in a loving God who will be there for her, so she won’t have to find security in a marriage she believes will end in three years.
The girl who read the story of Job, then screamed, then cried, outloud and in an essay, what the fuck? How can I love a God, or believe a God like this loves me, when he ACTS the same way my broken family does?!”
If the Bible is the Word of God, our best picture/understanding of the way God interacts with the world, and communicates God’s plan for humanity and the universe, paints God in such a light, you tell her to “just have faith.”
And then go to sleep in your safe, warm bed.
A part of this “faith,” is asking tough questions and getting answers whenever you can. Why? Because it is not just about edifying the church, or keeping the status quo of safe christiandom. There are people who don’t have “faith” and can’t have “faith” because all they have seen is contradictions and pain, in the world and then in the Bible. We have to do better than giving false hope and pat answers.
Many passages talk about wrestling with and meditating on the scripture. There is a reason for that. Such actions are diametrically opposed to sticking our head under a pew, and the wrinkled picture back in our pocket citing “faith” as a photoshop tool: when “faith” is really another way of saying blind acceptance to whatever by pastor/priest/rabbi/father said.
Reading the text for yourself means to wrestle. To meditate. To grab an magnifying glass, an iron, and an open heart to really understand what it means to have “faith.”