This Is The Thing
I’m currently really really really happy, inexplicably so, as I think about “the past” and my “present future” in a very specific way. Yeah. Comparison might be a bad thing long term, but right now it’s a wonderful thing. And it is the oddest things that remind me.
For example this song which I heard at the end of an episode of The Unit and I had to track down after hearing the line “there are things that keep me alive.” I found the artist Fink and this song.
Hearing all the words brought me to an insane place of happiness with where I am at by comparison. (You can delete the “alone” part, and insert the obvious.
Enjoy
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I don’t know if you notice anything different.
It’s getting dark and it’s getting cold and the nights are getting long.
And I don’t know if you even notice at all that I’m long gone, babe I’m long gone.
And the things that keep us apart keep me alive
There are things that keep me alive: keep me alone.
This is the thing.
I don’t know if you notice anything missing
Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor.
And I don’t know if you even notice at all
‘Cause I was real quiet when I closed the door
And the things that keep us apart keep me alive.
There are things that keep me alive: keep me alone.
This is the thing.
And I don’t know if you notice anything different
I don’t know if you even notice at all.
Looking Back
I just re-read most of the entries over the past year. I was thinking about where my life was a year ago, and I started looking at posts from Feb 08. Noticing the thing I left out mostly. The steady decline.
But I continued. March and April started some changes upward, which continued into June, but July . . . well.
Then August came: belated bitterness. By September, a whole new world.
I wonder why
http://greyparty.net/2008/09/03/western-wind/
http://greyparty.net/2008/09/11/whats-up-with-me-recently/
http://greyparty.net/2008/09/25/the-most-romantic-story-i-know/
(This is what I do at 3am)
It’s Official
I’ve told classes that I will not be here next year. Reactions are still coming in. Anger among them.
One of my girls, who is graduating this year, sat me down for a long talk about it today. She told Mandy and I yesterday that she was not sure if she should be happy for us, or pissed off at me for leaving. Did I mention that she is going to be graduating, so she won’t be around anyway? Not the point of course.
She says that she is still processing it: big brother moving away, even if she wasn’t going to see me everyday anyway, like she has for the past three years. Thinking of going to college in Boston now to join us. She’s also lobbying to be the Godmother of our first child. She was hoping that’s what I was going to tell her yesterday. A bit of a let down I guess.
Others are equally unhappy, esp. those who planned on taking a class from me next year, and are currently trying to figure out who will “prepare them for college.” That’s my rep. He’ll beat you to death, but you’ll be ready for the world when he’s done. Funny when juxtaposed with my new job: teaching students how to be teachers. The general reply was “good, we need more like you, regardless of how scary that is.”
Some are taking it as a sign of how the school (and districit) are on a serious decline - “this place is going to crap: we can’t keep any good teachers anymore” - before listing off the others who have left, and the ones they wish they could get rid of. These are the same kids who complain about the workload day in and out. Apparently they are learning something. Others are starting to see the administration as more evil than they previously believed . . .
I’m noticing that some are trying to soak up as much of the Scary Black Guy as they can before I’m gone. Spending more time to ask questions and dig into the old mind. It’s cute and heart-breaking at the same time.None are stupid enough to think that I’m tuned out for the rest of the year; they know that I will be turning it up a notch, or two, or twenty, because I don’t trust anyone else with the welfare of my kids. I’ve got a lot to do in a short amount of time. Some people better stay out of my way.
I’m Off My Game At The Moment
“Not Myself”
“In Repair”
I Just Signed
That is all.